"Formidable opponent, avoid close encounter. Most susceptible to alcohol." - Dossier on the Faultless Arrow
Chad Trump, formally Chad son of Trump, A.K.A. Rusty Shackleford, A.K.A. The Majestic and Most Handsome God-Emperor of Feyburn is a dwarf barbarian in The Faultless Arrow. Comfortably situated in the lower tail of the IQ curve, Chad is known to be quick to anger and a rash decision maker. He tends to compensate for his lack of refinement with brute force, and is known for his ability to endure the many beatings that he provokes.
Early Life Edit
Chad was born in the village of Springfield, a settlement of dwarves known for its unusually un-immersive names. He was the only offspring of renowned blacksmith Trump, son of Steve, and brewmistress Stacey, daughter of Matt. As a baby, he would often cry incessantly until offered a baby bottle of whiskey, as he was unsatisfied by the ale-like formula recommended for newborn dwarves. He grew his first beard at the age of 2, two years early. It soon became apparent that he had no aptitude for his father's craft, nor could he be left alone at his mother's brewery for more than three seconds. He was popular among the other children mainly as a freak show: they would give him coppers to perform feats of stamina such cracking stones with his skull or drinking a whole pint of mercury. The laughing stock of his peers, he had no true friends. He would often get into brawls in his adolescent years, bringing shame to his family. When he reached adulthood at age 13, he was kicked out by his parents and he left Springfield.
Chad spent his next ten years surviving on the road, hunting for food and robbing travelers for gold. All spoils went toward his perpetual struggle against sobriety and keeping the local law enforcement paid off.
The Faultless Arrow, Pt. 1 Edit
While passing through the town of Silverhill on a routine beer and supply run, Chad heard about Lord Lionmark's call for hired hands to investigate the recent massacre of a trade caravan. He saw this as his chance to strike it rich and live comfortably doing the one thing he was good at: violence. As he went to answer the call he met the other adventurers with whom he would form The Faultless Arrow. Despite his frequent blunders and brash ways, Chad gained acceptance with the group and they would become the first people he could genuinely call his friends. He became fiercely protective of them and fought bravely alongside them at Silverhill, Silent Cliff and Feyburn. After saving Feyburn, he was awarded a house in the city and a handsome sum of gold, enough to live the life of comfort that he desired. He bid farewell The Faultless Arrow and settled in Feyburn.
God-Emperor of Feyburn Edit
One fateful Friday evening, Chad was enjoying his usual food, drink and entertainment at the local inn. A man came in and offered him an exotic brew. He challenged him to taste it, explaining that it was for "only the bravest and most worthy". Never being one to decline anything that smelled vaguely of booze, let alone one that came with a challenge, Chad downed the whole thing in one mighty swig. The following 48 hours are missing from his memory, but by the end he had inexplicably installed himself as God-Emperor of Feyburn. Up to this moment, Chad had lived as a persona non gratis, so the idea that now everyone would have to be nice to him and do whatever he said was too enticing to refuse. Thus he took up the mantle, and set about shaping Feyburn according to his whims. His achievements as God-Emperor include:
- Building the wall. Wait, we've already got one? Well the people have spoken - build another one!
- Minting ten times more coin so that everyone can be rich. Why hasn't anyone else thought of this???
- Enforcing vast tributes to the treasure hoard of Rhaegos, so that the dragon would be inclined to create jobs.
- Tax cut for people levels 15 and above.
- Banning elves and their disgusting vegetarian food.
- Weekly karaoke night. Attendance is mandatory. Only Chad may sing. Applause is mandatory.
Surprisingly, not everyone in Feyburn supported these policies, and a coalition was formed to restore the previous administration. They stormed the keep, but Chad was tipped off and escaped by hiding in a wagon of potatoes. He decided to rejoin his old friends on their adventures.
The Battle of Oringrad Edit
Chad Trump distinguished himself at the Battle of Oringrad. In chronological order, he:
- Beat an adolescent unconscious despite the fact that he was made friendly and harmless by Ravagella.
- Laid down some "caltrops" that Ravagella would later point out were childrens' jacks. They were not effective.
- Intentionally lit himself on fire to intimidate two soldiers of the Imperial Legion.
- Axed himself in the groin.
- Was nearly left behind by the party because he wanted to keep fighting needlessly.
- Slew the dragon being used to transport the Edict of Fire to Oringrad. As the dragon tried to pick him up in his mouth, he climbed onto its head and chopped it off. After falling to the ground with the head, he chugged a gallon of ale and issued a mighty belch.
- Knocked K out cold when she tried to read the Edict. Silenced Ravagella when she tried to do the same. For the first time his illiteracy was advantageous, as he was able to put the Edict back in its casing without having any idea how to read it.
- In his line of work, Chad frequently catches fire. However, he is able to regrow his singed beard in a single night.
- According to a bardic ballad popular in Rubian bierhalls, there is no chin under Chad's beard; there is only another axe.
- He once blacked out for three days on a drinking binge. When he came to, he had inexplicably landed a middle management position at Rubia's second largest banking firm.